Subtitle 1

You’ll never guess what happened next. A newser came to newsify the news. Now it’s newsworthy news. And that’s big news. 

News, glorious news, accidents and murders, if you’re in the mood, thugs, hoodlums, and burglars.

News has happened! And that’s the greatest news of all. News is breaking, crumbling, sagging into the ruptured fabric of the newsiverse.

Subtitle 2

All news is good news. But no-one’s ready for bad news.

Looking to do something? Ask an expert.

Subtitle 3

Twenty-four-hour news is the best thing since sliced news.

If you’re looking to do something, why not do something?